Go ahead... grab a piece of that delicious cake, you know you want to. It's time for another of the Uglacy's misadventures in legacy living. It's hard to recap when I'm this far along... but here goes.

When we last left the Uglacy family, Komeii had become a grandfather. And Komeii actually was the only one to take any interest in the child, as Samara, his mother was far too busy calling everyone one in town. (Popularity sims, *cringes* gotta hate them)

"Yeah, let me add you to my best friend's list or else... that's right, you heard. Seven days. That's me. Marsha Bruening is an amatuer. Don't even compare me with her."

Obsessed with the want for 30 best friends, Samara really is on the phone... constantly. Which is eerie and ironic considering I named her after that little girl in the Ring.

Well lookie who comes to visit... all the time... ugh. You don't live here anymore Rosemary. Doesn't Kennedy need someone to fill his water balloons for him or something?

Seriously, I don't invite her and she shows up every night!

Which wouldn't be so bad except...

"Nasty stinkin, cheese eating dead freak! I will never rest until you leave my sister alone!"

Yeah, this is what she does. And I am so tired of it. This has been going on forever.

First it started in college.

Then there was after college... Rosemary would not relent.

And even his own wedding... Poor Don. Well Enough is enough...

"Alright girly man, you are going to have to learn a few things from the Komeii king of mean. In my younger days I whooped the pants off CAS sims everywhere. Sim players shook when they saw me comming on to their lots. (Yeah, I bet they did). So I'm going to pump you up!"

*Cue Rocky music*

Dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn Duuunnn

Dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn...

"Faster Zombie boy! You're doing this obstacle course like you're dead!"

"That's because I am" pant, pant.

"Come on you cheesy girly man... is that all you got? Mrs. Crumplebottom could take you down with her purse!"

"This sucks, it really sucks. I'm a cheese eating zombie for goodness sake. I should be eating cheese and getting fat. Grilled cheese sims aren't fit. This is against the law of nature."

So are zombies Don, so get crackin... because I want to see Rosemary's face when you kick the patoodies out of her. You are going to be a mean, lean, fighting machine... sort of.

Meanwhile Carrie is busily spying on the neighbor's shrubbery.

I hope that bush doesn't come over here and whoop your butt Carrie.

Samara snags a promotion... one more and we have a cowplant!

Yippee... my favorite reward ever. The only legacy rule I hate... that I can't kill townies without losing points. Personally, I think we should get points for that. And Goopy and Marsha should be worth bonus points.

"Ewww. I don't know if the kid or the zombie stinks worse."

The fumes are comming off of both of them, Komeii. The combined pleasantry of rotting flesh and boop-filled diapers. Any one with a stink turn on would be on fantasy island by now.

Doesn't this baby look confused. I can't possibly understand why.

On a side note, Don is very good with the baby. Much better than Samara, who hasn't held the kid yet.

But sometimes I worry they are bonding a little too much.

Everyone needs boundaries you know.

Time to fix la sink... since Zombies break about everything they touch. Get crackin on it Don.

"But I hate fixing things!"

Yeah, so do I, but I fixed it when the cowplant ate ya... so you owe me!

"Ahhh this room is a mess!"

If you would stop complaining about the mess and fix the gosh dang sink this wouldn't be an issue! Fix it already!

"I can't! It's just too complicated for my zombie abilities."

Grrrrr.

"Here Don, let the me show you how it's done. Just stick your hands over the leak, like this."

Ugh! Hello, little boy with his finger in the dike... it's not like you have five mechanic points or anything! Didn't those books teach you anything?!

"@#%%^*&^$ faucet. Why I ought to rip you out of the counter! You cheap piece of..."

How mean sims fix appliances... amusing isn't it? Actually reminds me of my husband.
*Glances around nervously to make sure he's not reading this over my shoulder.*

"And that's the way to fix a sink, son. All appliances must bow before the great Komeii."

Not sure exactly what he did. Yelled a lot and hit things with his wrench. I shall try that next time my plumbing goes out.

"Are you my mother?"

Day 3 & finally Samara actually picks her child up. Getting maternal instincts, nahhhh. She just wants to make best friends to add to her count. Sad, isn't it?

Rosemary! You put that baby down right now! I don't trust you. Not for a cotton-picking minute. What are you going to do to him?! Don't make me use boolprop on you. Step away from the baby!

"How"s my cute little Gagey?"

It's just ugly faces day in and day out. What sort of sick person would come at a baby with a mug like that. This poor baby looks horrified, and really can you blame him?

Actually, it's time for a birthday. I like peeking in their windows... it's like they don't know we're watching them

Sneaky, eh?

I grew up in a burning ring of sparkles...

Warning... the next page is not for the faint of heart. If you have a heart condition, are pregnant, have high blood pressure, or a siezure disorder, you should consult your doctor before turning the page.

Arrrrgh!

I warned you. This is the ugliest toddler I have ever seen... and I predict my ugliest sim to date. Only time will tell, but I think I hit PAYDAY folks.

Oh yeah, does the happy dance. Only I should be so thrilled to get an ugly sim.

"I remember you, you cheese-eating pig. You were at the dorm, and you use to push me out of the way for your grilled cheese!"

"Well all you made was Macaroni and cheese, day in and out. And burnt at that!"

"Oh you ungrateful yuppie cheese lover! I slaved over the stove for you college students, and not one word of thanks. All you kids ever did was annoy the hell out of me!"

Disgruntled cafeteria workers. Maybe not the best guests to invite to your kids birthday party. Just a thought.

"Why is this dude here?!"

He's the father of the baby, A child should know who his father is.

"Would you want to know if he was your father?"

Mmmm, good point.

"Hmmm, let me get a better look at this kid."

"Awww, he's hideous."

Yeah, wonder how that could have happened. And want to hear something funny, his face glitched like that, and stayed like that till he left... ahahaha, guess he really was traumatized by his own kid. Bummer dude, stay away from the photo booth next time. (Where little Gage was produced in between snapshots).

"Hey dad, congragulations on marrying my mom."

Ok then, not quite sure I get this interaction, but it looks like Komeii is just as confused as me. Samara is a bit strange tho.

Hey Bad boys, what you gonna do, whatcha gonna do when he comes for you...

Don begans his life as a Rent A Cop, Looking ever spiffy in his new uniform, he starts his first day at work.

For a moment, I thought I lost my future heir, and than I found him... outside.

Hey, um Gage, however did you get out here? Did someone give you a time out? MMm, must be a glitch.

Or maybe not.

It seems Gage dares to go where no toddler has gone before. Every chance he gets, he's out the door.

"Gage, what are you doing out here?!"

Could he be trying to escape this family? Well it won't work Gage. You can't fight destiny. And I can find you, wherever you go.

"Sheesh, what is wrong with this family? I know the agency warned me about them, but really, this is one flew over the Cuckoos nest around here. If that old geezer pops his bladder and pees himself, I'm not cleaning it up."

"Um I really am sorry about that maid man. Say, you're pretty ugly as NPC's go. How about you come back when we have a girl heir."

"How about I don't and we say I did."

"Listen punk, you don't want to mess with me. You wanna make my day, Do ya punk?!"

"Mister, please, you're scaring me. I swear I'll use the crosswalk next time."

"Hi, oh you're the famous Carmen Patch. Well lets be best friends shall we, how does 100 sound? And oh yeah, in a few years plan to marry my son, mmmkay. Because you are the ugly of ugly in the exterminating world."

"Uh, you're actually approaching me about a legacy family? Because you do realize I'll change your families genetics for years to come."

"Yeah, well actually, we're counting on it."

And Carmen has been the most suggested for this legacy... so she's comming folks, shes ah comming.

I Was Potty-Trained By A Secret Society, Grilled-Cheese Eating, Vice Squad Zombie.

Comming out in a local theatre near you.

"I say man, do you have any Grey Poupon?"

Did I spell that right, no idea.

The day of Reckoning has come. It's Gage's birthday, and of course Aunt Rosemary is here. And of course, she immediatly starts in on Don.

We all know where this is going, don't we?

"You're ugly Rosemary. And you can forget make-up, cause it ain't helping you. I may be dead but at least I'm not as ugly as the butt end of a baboon. I've had it with you, you psycho bully. Your days of terrorizing me are at an end."

"And yet I feel oddly attracted to you."


Ewwww, don't know where that came from.

"How dare you talk to me like that Zombie pig. I'll terrorize you if I want to. Every family function, every birthday party... it will never stop... muhahaha."

And that's the truth. At least I always get a side show.

Oh crappola... well not really, I want to see this and no I didn't have to instigate it. Come on Zombie boy, kick Rosemarys' @$$! Take her down. Remember the teachings of the mighty Komeii!

And in this corner... weighing in at 135 lbs of mean, is Rosemary Uglacy-Cox...
taking on the Cheese Eating King of Zombies... Don Uglacy.

It's not looking good for Don, she has him in her famous, snap the zombie's neck hold.

But wait, he pulls a fantastic head-choke reverse and it looks like Rosemary is actually struggling to breath.

"Grrf, grrr, stupid Zombie, you stink like rotten cheese."

"Say Uncle, Rosemary, or I'm going to apply my armpit move and it ain't pretty."

"Feel the burn Rosemary. Feel the burn."

Yay Don! Now wasn't all those body points worth it?! Behold the only cheese eating king of fitness whoop the queen of mean's butt!

"Oh my God, I can't believe that weakling Zombie kicked my butt. I'll never live this down. Must gorge myself on potatoe chips... grmmf, gobble, glump."

I want to feel sorry for you Rosemary. But I just can't. She so had this comming for so long.

Yet another birthday...

*yawn* Party was a disaster by the way, which upset Samara, miss popularity.

I try but I find this tedious and I'm just out of amusing things to say. I'd rather watch my sims fight.

Oh my, he looks like Pinnochio. He's even dressed like him.

"Look I'm a real boy."

And a real freak... FULL neat points. FULL active points, very shy... (1 outgoing point) and of course he's not nice. I don't have nice sims. He's only got 3 nice points.

The first thing Gage brings up is a suitcase, I think he wants to get the hell out of here. But Komeii sets him straight right away.

"Look Gage, you're the illegitimate heir, and you can't leave. I know it sucks, but buck up little man and eat your cake. Look at the bright side, you could be a useless spare like Damien there."

"Hey!"

Wanna hear something creepy. Damien and Carrie were twins... remember? Well Damien now has no memory of it and has the hots for his twin sister, which explains why I don't invite him over much. Carrie does know he's her brother, and frankly, she's creeped out by it, as am I.

Don wanted to try for a spare, he really did. But guess what, Zombies are sterile I guess. Something about that whole resurrection thing. Well the grimster did warn us they might be missing some things, eh? Ah well, Samara hates kids anyway, seriously. So Gage it is, let's just hope like hell I don't kill the kid, or this whole legacy could come to a squeeching halt.

Am I the only one who thinks this is just overkill. I hate the helicopter. Komeii is so getting his own car.

Isn't my new addition so precious!

Meet Cujo, our family pet. Looks all innocent and sweet in this picture, doesn't he?

"What kind of idiot puts a gate on a cowplant fence?"

Shut up Carrie, or I could go make you work your blubber butt off on the obstacle course. Any more expanding and you're going to look like a pumpkin in those orange pajamas.

"No Gage, you can not catch the next flight out of here. You need to accept your fate little man. You are destined to be the next heir of the Uglacy family."

"But Grandpa, what if I'm not ugly?"

"I hate to break the news to you, kid, but you are. But that's ok, us Uglacies make up for it with our charming personalities."

Um, yeah, right.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG,

I hate it, it sucks. I'm tired of waiting 5 minutes to get one sim to go to the bathroom. I think we have to move yet again. Maybe this is the only way to get Legacy families to work right. So we pack up our inventory, and this time I'm going to give the Uglacy Family a more appropriate home...

An Ugly house!!!

Actually I was kind of going for the Adams family look, but my son saw this and asked me if I had a fetish with windows. Too many windows? You think? Looks kind of like that Amityville Horror place doesn't it? Fitting for this family. I'm not going to drag you through aieral views and all that jazz, because really... do you want to see Bad Interior decorating?

I did bring all the urns tho, and put the ghosts in the attic.

Ghosts in the Attic... sounds like a movie or something. I hope the hauntings won't be bad, but actually, I haven't seen any of the ghosts but Sandy in a very long time.

Meanwhile, the Uglacy Family have a new neighbor.

Rosemary seems to have been elected to the welcoming wagon... go figure. I guess for her warm and welcoming personality. Hey, that sim looks oddly familar.

"Hey I know you. You're that legacy kid from Swiffner's family, The Waters. You're River Waters! But Water sims are hot, What are you doing in this legacy!"

"Obviously I'm the ugly duckling of the family, and as if that wasn't bad enough, I landed here... Uglacy Land on # 1 Reject Road. I just wasn't Waters material they told me. Personally, I think a nose is so over rated on a sim anyway."

"Well it can't be that bad. Let me take a look."

"See, you can see it, can't you? I have a nose, I swear I do."

*Side note: I am ROFLMAO right now... why? Because my husband just walked by and saw this shot and said,"Man I can't believe you're that cruel. What the hell is wrong with that guy? He has no nose. How could you make him like that?!"

Hee, hee, I didn't make him at all. Thanks Swiffner, loving the Upload.

"Ha, ha ha... yeah if you say so. I just have one question, how do you keep those glasses on your face. Like seriously dude."

"Oh I don't know Rosemary, maybe the same way you keep your big lips from catching a strong wind and parachuting your butt to a Pleasantville."

Actually these two are oddly attracted to one another... now there's a baby even I wouldn't want to see.

But River isn't the only one getting visitors. In the tradition of Sim legacy writers, I have created a sim me. And who comes to welcome the Uglacy Family on their new move, but me... cool, eh? Meet Candi 020765. A knowlegde sim, Aquarius, and a nurse... which fits me.

The creator meets the createe...

"So you're the nut case that's been running this show, eh? Well welcome to our new home. Would you like to come in for some grilled cheese?"

"Don't mind if I do."

"Gads you people bore me..."

"I'm not listening to anything you tell me, Nahnie nahnie boo boo."

Doesn't this seem to be art imitating life. Like they ever listen to me, ha!

Well two can play at that game.

Best friends, ha, I obviously can't stand you!

That was when Don got home, and I thought it would be cute to have me eat grilled cheese with the Uglacies... only while Don was preparing the gooey goodness...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Step away from the cake you dumb blonde... wait that's me! Oh holy crappolie... can't cheat, what to do, what to do?!! Delete the cowplant? Delete me? That would be cheating wouldn't it? I can't stay on pause forever!"

For future reference, putting chairs in front of the cowplant does not work.

I'm dead, I've been eaten by Cujo. I have to be the worse sim player ever! I should have deleted you, you freak of nature plant! Who do you think tells those sims to feed you!!!

Get to the phone, Carrie. I can't leave my pixelated self dead for goodness sakes.

"Um well, I didn't particularly like you."

But you're the only one who knew me!

"Hmmm, what's it worth to you?"

CARRIE! And I better not come back zombified...or I swear it's a one way ticket to Boolprop Boulevard for you!

"But Pinstar's rules say..."

I don't care!!! That my sim that's dead! Me!!! You call that grimster and get me back here right now! Now I have to re do my whole beach condo... ugh! I've lost everything.

Back from the dead, whew.

Did I plan this you might be thinking....NO. I don't particularly like seeing myself get gobbled up. And I don't care if ressurrecting myself was cheating. A girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Am I taking this game way too seriously... maybe.

Yeah, so long you bunch of freaks. Try to keep that cowplant on a leash, mmmkay. And nobody better drink me, I'm warning you.

Ahhh Don, my cheese loving zombie, I bought that recliner just for you. Poor Don, he doesn't age, and I have no idea how to handle that. No special legacy rules there. He spends his days basically being very lazy and obsessing about cheddar or American. It's a good life.

"Grandpa, what if I get a set of skis and ski away?"

"Have you ever seen it snow here, ever?"

"Well, um no."

Gage is not an extremely bright child. Really, he takes forever to skill, and he had a lot of smart milk. Maybe it's his constant diet of grilled cheese. Or he's just an idiot. Probably the latter.

Burn it granny, time to pump you up!

"I'm an old lady... this is just cruel."

No pain, no gain. Give me another 20.

"Hmmf, so that's the famous cowplant that finally got one of those legacy writers."

Yeah, well, the chairs should have worked! They work to keep sims away from the refrigerator.

"You're the worse legacy writer I've seen."

No, I'm not. I'm sure someone else out there has killed their sim self... someone, anyone???

"One day I shall be free... I must devise a plan."

Gage, you're not going anywhere. You are my ugliest sim yet. Isn't he just... ah, ugly, yeah, well I don't get to use phrases like cute or adorable. Unique, how's that?

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

A gay spongebob... that's what they say... but I don't understand all the controversy. I mean I have had suspicions about Patrick the starfish... never mind, off the topic here. Moving on.

"So I was thinking I could get a boat and..."

Stop it Gage. Sims don't have boats. There's no way out. Accept your fate.

"Geesh, mom went overboard on the candles. I'm not 80. Is this suppose to be Grandpa's cake? Someone prepare the fire extinguisher in case I can't huff and puff and blow this thing out."

"Arrrrgh, that wasn't my wish!"

The moment of truth has arrived. Are you in awe of my ability to breed ugly sims. Well guess what I rolled!!!

Fricking frackin ROMANCE. I am so getting new dice. Every sim I get... grrrrr. He's turned on by vampires and blondes, and his turn off is hats.

"Arrrrgh, why did you invite me to this birthday party. Look at this guy next to me."

Hey River, look at the bright side, you're the sexiest guy in my town.

Only one thing to do with a romance sim, and that's get him some loving.

This is Gretta Story, she is a playable sim. But look closely, do you recognize her? Does she look a bit like Nervous Subject? Cause guess who her daddy is? That's right, she's the Grim Reaper's daughter. I love experimenting with sims in my spare time. So be careful, Gage. You really don't want to piss her dad off.

Oh dear, looks like there was another man involved. Sorry about that Randy London,

Stop looking so proud of yourself Gage. I swear Romance sims thrive on the drama.

"Hey kid, can you flirt with your girlfriend somewhere else?! It's not like we're trying to bowl a game or anything!"

Geesh, stand in the middle of the lane why don't ya?

"So then daddy said he could get me a job as one of the hula girls. I hear it pays well."

"Wow, I bet you would look hot in those coconut shells."

Gage! Stop rolling wants to lower your hands!

If the grimster comes in here, you are so dead!

Ahhh, he's so platinum now, and already rolling wants to meet someone new. Typical romance sim. Jerk. At least his LTW is hall of famer and not 20 woohoos.

"Want to come back and plaaaay with me?!!!"

No, I don't! Till next time Fellow simmers, happy simming and stay away from the cowplants!