SCENE: Courtroom, day. Strong Bad stands, handcuffed, in front of the bar. The bar is 20 feet high, for some reason. The monolithic judge glares down at him.

JUDGE: Young man, I do hereby declare that you will spend the rest of your life behind bars. I want criminal scum like you off the streets and behind bars.

STRONG BAD (smug): And I hereby declare that you are making a big mistake, Judgie.

JUDGE: Do not mock my judgment, Mr. Strong Bad. My verdict stands. I am the law! I am…

The courtroom suddenly quakes violently as an entire wall is torn open. Into the room marches a ferocious and very familiar dragon.

CROWD: It’s Trogdor the Burninator! Run for your miserable lives!

JUDGE (pounding his gavel): Order! Order! My judgment stands! Order in the…

Trogdor contemptuously releases a blast of intense flame. The judge is reduced to ashes instantly.

CROWD: Run for it!

The crowd flees the flaming courtroom in blind panic. Strong Bad calmly walks up to the dragon and breaks his handcuffs on Trogdor’s spikes.

STRONG BAD: Thanks for coming, man. They shoulda known not to mess with the guy with the dragon!

Strong Bad and Trogdor turn and see that Homeschool is the only person left in the courtroom.

STRONG BAD: Well, what do we have here?

HOMESCHOOL: Please, oh awesome one… spare my pitiful self… don’t make him burninate me, please!

STRONG BAD: Hey, is Strong Bad the kind of guy to hold a grudge?

HOMESCHOOL: Um, no?

STRONG BAD: Hey, no hard feelings, man. I’m not gonna make him burninate you.

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, thank you, oh generous and extremely good-looking one…

STRONG BAD: Trogdor?

The dragon growls in response.

STRONG BAD: Step on him.

HOMESCHOOL: Noooooo!

Trogdor squashes Homeschool underneath a mighty foot. Strong Bad jumps up onto the dragon’s shoulders.

STRONG BAD: Ah, that’s better. Let’s ride, dragon dude!

Trogdor smashes through the opposing wall. The two run out of the city and disappear over the horizon, into the sunset, leaving a flaming trail behind them.

STRONG BAD: Nothing can stop us now!

VOICE: Mr. Strong Bad…

Strong Bad’s head suddenly jerks up. He looks around and sees himself sitting in a very normal courtroom. Sitting next to him is a rather bored-looking man in a suit. He is the public defender.

LAWYER: If you’re through daydreaming, are you ready to begin?

STRONG BAD: Oh, man. That always works in that comic about the kid and his jungle cat.

LAWYER: Actually, it doesn’t.

STRONG BAD: What do you mean, it doesn’t?

LAWYER: At the end of the comic, the kid is always pulled back into reality, just like you were now.

STRONG BAD: Stupid freakin’ reality. Just my luck to get a comic-savvy lawyer.

LAWYER: You’re not making it a picnic for me, either.

STRONG BAD: Well, do that lawyer stuff, man. Make a bunch of stuff up and get me outta here. What is your legal advice?

LAWYER: My legal advice is the same as what I said last night. If you just go up there and plead guilty, we can wrap this thing up in ten minutes and I can get my commission.

STRONG BAD: Commission this, suit. I’m not going back to the cooler in a million years.

LAWYER: Based on the fact that you have absolutely no case to disprove that you broke into Homeschool Manor, cleaned out his vault and destroyed the goods, I’d say you’re likely to go to prison for a million years.

STRONG BAD: So you don’t care if I win or lose?

LAWYER: Quite frankly, I give more thought and care to the upkeep of my toupee.

STRONG BAD (laughing): You wear a toupee?!

LAWYER: No, I… I was just using… it was just a… shut up. The issue here is that you simply have no case. We couldn’t even plea-bargain for a shorter sentence. This court wants to see you go down, and all I can do is ease the fall.

STRONG BAD: Well, thanks for nothing, fliptop. If you can’t…

HOMESCHOOL: Well, if it isn’t our mutual friend Strong Bad.

Strong Bad turns and sees Homeschool seating himself at the other table.

HOMESCHOOL: Have a nice night, Strong Bad? Did you ask them to turn down your bed for you? Got your old uniform dry-cleaned?

STRONG BAD: I’m gonna dry-clean you, Dumbschool. Only it won’t be very dry or very clean.

HOMESCHOOL: How very witty indeed. If you show the same badinage on the stand as you do here, you may last all of ten minutes before my case demolishes you.

STRONG BAD: Oh, yeah? We’ll just see who demolishes who. You can’t even afford a lawyer!

HOMESCHOOL: I don’t need to hire a lawyer for an open-and-shut case such as this. I’m acting as my own attorney.

STRONG BAD: Well, you know what they say, Homeschool. The guy who acts as his own lawyer has… uh… he’s like… uh…

LAWYER: Has a fool for a client.

STRONG BAD: That’s it. Don’t look now, Homefool, but you’ve got a fool for a client. And he’s… uh, you.

HOMESCHOOL (coolly): However, the lawyer who defends a masked degenerate has an even bigger fool for a client. And yes, that is you.

STRONG BAD: Don’t use that phrase-turning on me, man. I’m the only one around here allowed to do that.

HOMESCHOOL: I fail to see how you’ll be able to enforce that when you’re locked up.

STRONG BAD: You mean locked up… like your jaw when I’m done with you.

HOMESCHOOL: As always, Strong Bad, you’re all talk. You have no chance here.

STRONG BAD: We’ll just see, Homeschool. We’ll just see.

LAWYER: So, uh, Mr. Winner, would you like to have dinner with the judge, jury and myself once this is over?

HOMESCHOOL: Sounds good. Crushing lowlifes gives one an appetite.

LAWYER: Yeah, I know what you mean.

STRONG BAD (to himself): I am so utterly screwed this isn’t even funny.

BAILIFF: All rise!

Everybody stands up.

BAILIFF: Winner vs. Strong Bad, the honourable judge E. Tort presiding.

JUDGE: All right. Let’s get this whole swearing in and stuff over with, as I’m sure we all want to be done with this as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, we see the rest of the gang is outside, trying to see through the window. The window is high off the ground, so they have formed a human pyramid. Strong Mad and Pom Pom are on the bottom, supporting Strong Sad and Bubs, who are holding up the King and the Poopsmith, holding up Coach Z and Homestar, holding up Homsar and Trivia Time, who are holding The Cheat up to the window.

STRONG SAD: I hear things creaking inside…

COACH Z: Ya see anything, The Cheort?

THE CHEAT: Meh! Neemaweena!

KING OF TOWN: You heard the little rodent! We need more loft!

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG MAD: THIS IS ALL THE LOFT I GOT!

HOMSAR: Dyaaah! I’m a South Forty!

BUBS: Hey, stop wobblin’ up there!

TRIVIA TIME: Arf!

THE CHEAT: Meena! Wunnawuneemana!

HOMESTAR: Gweat job, The Cheat! What do you see?

The Cheat can clearly see into the courtroom.

THE CHEAT: Yunna muweenana!

HOMESTAR: All wight! We’ll just stay here and get the play-by-play fwom our vewy own The Cheat!

STRONG SAD: Sure, sure. I could keep this up for hours.

A fly lands on Strong Mad’s nose.

STRONG MAD: BAAAAAGH!

POM POM: (bubbles)

COACH Z: Strong Mad, I wouldn’t advise ya to do what I think you’re gonna do there…

Strong Mad swats the fly by punching himself in the face. The whole pyramid falls on top of Pom Pom and himself. Much groaning and grumbling.

KING OF TOWN: I believe I have an organ donor card in my pocket. Would somebody mind filling it out?

HOMESTAR: Aw, shucks. I wanted to see Homeschool get courted.

POM POM: (bubbles)

COACH Z: Pom Pom’s right. I guess we’ll just have ta wait out here and take it on faith that Marzy’s plan works.

STRONG SAD: What do we do until then?

BUBS (pulling a small box out of his pocket): I’ve got Travel Cribbage!

KING OF TOWN: Hoorah! Let’s get this game going!

STRONG SAD: I guess I’ll sit out the first game… and maybe the second game, depending on how much everybody wants me to play…

We now switch to the courtroom. Homeschool is making some sort of impromptu speech. The Bailiff stands next to him with a Bible, looking annoyed.

HOMESCHOOL: And furthermore, if there were no people like Mr. Strong Bad, we wouldn’t need prisons! I say that it is positively our patriotic duty as respectable…

BAILIFF: Mr. Winner, just say "I do".

HOMESCHOOL: What? Oh, fine. I do.

JUDGE: Thank you, Mr. Winner, for that enlightening and exhaustive lecture. Now may we please get on with this trial?

HOMESCHOOL: Of course, your Honour.

JUDGE: Mr. Strong Bad, are you ready to plead your case?

STRONG BAD: I guess I’m as ready as…

Marzipan suddenly steps up to Strong Bad’s table.

MARZIPAN: Mr. Strong Bad is ready to present his case.

STRONG BAD: What the crap? Marzipan?

HOMESCHOOL: Marzipan?! What do you think you’re doing here?

MARZIPAN: I am here to act as Mr. Strong Bad’s defense.

JUDGE: I was under the impression that Mr. Strong Bad already had a lawyer.

LAWYER: Hey, it wasn’t set in stone or anything.

MARZIPAN: You can go home, sir. We won’t be needing you.

LAWYER: Fine. I have better things to do anyway.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, go chase an ambulance or something. Or maybe you have some… polishing to do.

He rips off the lawyer’s toupee. The lawyer flees, to a cacophony of mocking laughter. Strong Bad tosses the toupee after him.

JUDGE: Young lady, I don’t know where you came from or who you are, but you don’t have the proper credentials to…

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, what does it matter?

JUDGE: Excuse me, Mr. Winner?

HOMESCHOOL: I mean, he’s going to lose no matter who defends him, right? Come on, old boy. This could be cute.

JUDGE: All right. But I don’t want any time-wasting, you hear?

MARZIPAN: Of course not, your Honour. I assure you everything will be quick and to the point.

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, happy day. I’ll have a chance to bury the both of you.

JUDGE: We will commence in a few minutes to allow Mr. Strong Bad to confer with his… counsel.

As the courtroom murmurs in conversation, Strong Bad whispers to Marzipan.

STRONG BAD: What are you doing here, Marzipan? I thought you were, like, Homeschool’s Girl Tuesday or something.

MARZIPAN: I’m so sorry, Strong Bad. If I hadn’t abandoned you and the rest for Homeschool, you wouldn’t be here. I need to help you for all of our sakes.

STRONG BAD (bitterly): Well, thanks a freakin’ lot. That makes everything all better.

MARZIPAN: Please don’t be like that, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD (getting worked up): Well, excuse me, Marzipan. I’m gonna get stuck in a box for the rest of my freakin’ life. I should look on the bright side. I’ll have a great chance to catch up on my needlework! I’ll you some as a present; having a great freakin’ time, wish you were here!

MARZIPAN (suddenly): Strong Bad, shut up.

STRONG BAD: And then I’ll… what?

MARZIPAN (firmly): Just shut up and listen to me. I feel guilty enough over what’s happened. I want to help you out. No matter what, I’m going to keep you from going to prison.

STRONG BAD (mollified): Well… uh, look, Marzipan. I know you want to help me, but there is nothing you could do short of blowing up the whole courtroom to help me. These guys have an airlocked case.

MARZIPAN: Maybe not. I have something they don’t know about.

STRONG BAD: Is it a rocket launcher?

MARZIPAN: No…

STRONG BAD: Tear gas?

MARZIPAN (annoyed): No.

STRONG BAD: Then, what is it?

JUDGE: Are we about ready to proceed?

MARZIPAN: Yes, your Honour. (whispering to Strong Bad) Just follow my lead.

STRONG BAD: May as well. It’s the only chance I’ve got.

JUDGE: All right. Opening remarks?

HOMESCHOOL: Well, your Honour, I don’t think I need to say much to win this case. Anybody who has watched the news for the past hour knows all of the evidence; the lighter, the prints, the motive, the M.O.. All of which point to one unavoidable conclusion; Strong Bad is guilty. I rest my case.

JUDGE: You rest your case?

HOMESCHOOL: Of course I do. There is nothing else to say. It’s a foregone conclusion.

JUDGE: Very well, Mr. Winner. Young lady…

MARZIPAN: Marzipan.

JUDGE: Miss Marzipan, what do you have to say?

MARZIPAN: First of all, your Honour, I must say that it is true that Strong Bad entered Mr. Winner’s mansion and absconded with the cited goods.

JUDGE: Really?

HOMESCHOOL: Ha!

STRONG BAD: What the crap kind of defense you call that?

MARZIPAN: However, it was not for purposes of larceny.

JUDGE: Really?

MARZIPAN: Mr. Strong Bad was authorized to enter the premises for the purposes of investigation.

HOMESCHOOL: What? What are you…

JUDGE: I’ll ask the questions here. Who gave him this authority?

MARZIPAN: I did.

HOMESCHOOL: Lies! It wasn’t even your house!

MARZIPAN: That’s funny. You said it differently only last night. Everything you have is mine, and my place is yours. Remember that, Homeschool?

HOMESCHOOL: Your Honour, this is clearly an assortment of barefaced lies that insult the intelligence of…

JUDGE: Mr. Winner, I believe your side has declared rest.

HOMESCHOOL: Well… yes, but…

STRONG BAD: So zip it, Schoolboy.

JUDGE: Indeed. Don’t make me throw the book at you. It’s a very large book. Miss Marzipan, please proceed.

MARZIPAN: I contacted Mr. Strong Bad to make a thorough investigation of the premises, as I had reason to believe that Mr. Winner had accumulated his fortune through illegal means.

Homeschool says nothing, but his facial expression of pure hatred tells all.

JUDGE: And did this investigation yield any evidence?

MARZIPAN: Yes, your Honour. Would the court like to see it?

JUDGE: Go right ahead.

HOMESCHOOL (furious): Wench! You can’t do this to me!

JUDGE: Last warning, Mr. Winner. If the idea of being held in contempt of court doesn’t appeal to you, kindly keep your mouth shut! And don’t insult a lady, either. This is a respectable court.

Montage begins. Homeschool watches with mounting fury as Marzipan produces piece after piece of evidence: financial records, statements, transcripts. Homeschool’s entire case falls apart rapidly.

JUDGE: Anything else?

MARZIPAN (drained): No, your Honour. That is all. The defense rests.

Marzipan wearily sits down.

STRONG BAD: Hey, uh, thanks, Marzipan. I gotta admit, that was way better than that other lawyer would have done.

JUDGE: Has the jury reached its decision?

JUROR: Uh, yes, your Honour. We the members of the jury find the defendant, Mr. Strong Bad, not guilty of grand larceny. We find the prosecutor, Mr. Winner, guilty of embezzlement, fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and conspiracy towards defamation.

JUDGE: Mr. Winner, I hereby declare that you must reimburse the citizens of Free County of their misappropriated royalties, determined by these figures as $12,000,000.00. Adjourned!

The judge bangs his gavel. Much discussion throughout the courtroom. Homeschool looks absolutely crushed.

STRONG BAD: Oh, man, Marzipan! That was totally awesome! You kicked the crap outta this court!

MARZIPAN: Not bad for a Free Country freak, right, Homeschool?

HOMESCHOOL (smiling dangerously): Oh, yes, Marzipan. Allow me to congratulate you on your legal prowess.

He pulls his attaché case onto the table and opens it.

JUDGE: What’s he got in there?

HOMESCHOOL: Just a little going-away present, your Honour.

With a flash of claws and fangs, Dijory Doo bursts out of the case. The vicious beast attacks the judge. Everybody in the courtroom gasps. Homeschool pulls out what appears to be a small grenade.

STRONG BAD: Get him!

HOMESCHOOL (laughing insanely): Not today!

He throws the grenade to the ground. The courtroom fills with tear gas.

STRONG BAD: Hit the dirt!

He pulls Marzipan down as he dives for the floor.

STRONG BAD: Hey, man. The tear gas was my idea.

Through the gas, Strong Bad and Marzipan can see Homeschool and Dijory Doo escaping the courtroom.

MARZIPAN: We have to stop them!

STRONG BAD: Right on, Marzipan. Those punks still owe us money!

The two crawl to the door, leaving the coughing courtroom behind them. Outside, the gang is still playing Cribbage.

BUBS: Oh, yeah! I won again!

COACH Z: Dangit, Bubsy, ya cribbed me again.

HOMESCHOOL: Uh, guys?

COACH Z: Yeah, Homestar?

HOMESTAR: I think something weird’s going on in there.

The gang looks to the window. A curious cloud of thick gas is visible.

KING OF TOWN: Looks like their hors d’oeuvres are burning.

COACH Z: Now that reminds me of my college days, all right.

TRIVIA TIME: Arf! Yarf!

HOMESTAR: What’s he saying, Pom Pom?

POM POM: (bubbles)

All turn towards the door. Homeschool and Dijory Doo burst out.

HOMESCHOOL: Good work, Dijory. Now to flee the country and withdraw our money from an international bank. We’ll leave those fools to scratch their heads!

DIJORY DOO: Yesssss.

HOMESTAR: Going somewhere, Homeschool?

Homeschool and Dijory Doo suddenly find their escape blocked by Homestar and the gang.

COACH Z: Ya sure vacated the courthouse in a hurry, there. What’s the rush?

HOMESCHOOL: Out of my way, you fools. This does not concern you!

Strong Bad and Marzipan emerge from the courtroom doors.

MARZIPAN: Stop him!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, man. I think they’d like to have a word with you in there. You know, the whole attacking the judge, gassing the courthouse and trying to escape without paying the fine thing.

KING OF TOWN: So!

HOMESCHOOL: Stay back, all of you!

BUBS: I don’t think so!

The gang converges on him.

HOMESCHOOL: Stay back!

He reaches into his shirt and pulls out… the Bigger Knife.

STRONG BAD: No way! I didn’t know that thing was real!

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, it’s very real, Strong Bad. Allow me to demonstrate.

He grabs Marzipan and holds the knife to her, grinning sadistically.

THE CHEAT: Yah!

COACH Z: Whoa! Take it easy, there.

HOMESCHOOL: Back off, all of you. That’s right. Nice and easy.

The gang backs off reluctantly.

TRIVIA TIME: Grrrr!

HOMESCHOOL: Hostages can shift the balance of power in such delightful ways. Isn’t that right, Marzipan?

MARZIPAN: Guys… I’m sorry…

HOMESTAR: Oh, come on, Homeschool. Let her go.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, man. I mean, you’re taking the girl hostage? That’s like the oldest cliché in the book!

HOMESCHOOL: I’ll admit that you’re right for once, Strong Bad.

In a sudden motion, he shoves Marzipan against Strong Bad. In the same movement, he grabs Homestar by the shirt and holds the knife to him.

HOMESCHOOL: I like this so much better!

POM POM: (bubbles)

HOMESCHOOL: Not a chance, Pom Pom. I’ve wanted to do this for so long.

HOMESTAR: Weally? I think you have wepwessed wage issues or something.

HOMESCHOOL (losing his sanity): Shut up! Just shut up! I swear, one more idiotic comment from you, and so help me...

HOMESTAR: Help you do what?

HOMESCHOOL: That’s it! I don’t even care anymore! Anything to rid me from this idiotic pest! It ends here, Homestar Runner!

He stabs Homestar in the star.

MARZIPAN: NO!

KING OF TOWN: Good heavens!

HOMESTAR: Ow. Just… ow.

The gang watches in shock as Homestar falls to the ground and lays still.

MARZIPAN: Homestar!

DIJORY DOO: Yeh heh heh heh. Heeee’s deaaaaad!

Strong Bad’s eyes light in determination. He pounds his fists together.

STRONG BAD: That’s it, man. I’m taking you down. You’re not walking away this time.

STRONG MAD: YEAH!

THE CHEAT: Meh!

STRONG SAD: Yeah.

The Brothers Strong and The Cheat see Strong Sad standing next to them.

STRONG SAD: Hey, why not? I want to help.

STRONG BAD: Give it up, Homeschool. We’ve got you on the ropes.

HOMESCHOOL: I think not. Dijory, deal with them.

DIJORY DOO: Yesssss.

Dijory Doo lunges at The Cheat. The Cheat’s resolve breaks and he flees. Strong Mad chases after the two of them. Trivia Time follows, barking.

HOMESCHOOL: Oh, dear. You no longer have your stooge. What are you going to do now?

STRONG BAD (whispering to Strong Sad): Okay, man. Here’s what I want you to do. I’m gonna take Homeschool. As soon as there’s an opening, drag Homestar to safety.

STRONG SAD: Are you sure? He still has that knife.

STRONG BAD: Hey, man. You just worry about Homestar. I’ll worry about the knife.

STRONG SAD: Okay. Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Yeah?

STRONG SAD: Be careful.

STRONG BAD: You too, man.

STRONG SAD: When do we start?

STRONG BAD: I’d say… NOW!

Strong Bad and Strong Sad bolt towards Homeschool. Homeschool makes another swing with the knife, but Strong Bad hits him with a low block, tackling him to the ground. The two of them begin grappling for the knife. Strong Sad grabs Homestar’s limp form and carries him back to the rest. It is not a pleasant sight. The King and Pom Pom are trying to comfort Marzipan, and Bubs is doing his best to comfort Coach Z. Homsar and the Poopsmith look on gravely.

BUBS (sadly): Good work, Strong Sad.

COACH Z (sobbing): He was too young ta get iced like that!

STRONG SAD: I just don’t know what to say.

Meanwhile, Strong Bad has disarmed Homeschool, and they fight hand-to-hand. A brutal flurry of punches and kicks leaves the both of them tired. Strong Bad rises to his feet. All watch as they have a standoff. Homeschool slowly picks up the knife.

STRONG BAD: I hate you, man. You ruined all of our lives, and you killed Homestar. Where the crap do you get off being such a jerk?

HOMESCHOOL: It wouldn’t concern you, Strong Bad. People in your position matter little to people in my position. What difference does it make?

STRONG BAD: He was our friend, you heartless piece of crap.

HOMESCHOOL: A touching sentiment, Strong Bad. You threaten to bring me to tears.

STRONG BAD: Do you know what I’m going to do to you, Homeschool?

HOMESCHOOL (brandishing the knife): I can hardly wait to find out.

STRONG BAD: Hey Poopsmith, come here.

The Poopsmith steps forward, the broken handle of his shovel in his hands.

HOMESCHOOL: Your Poopsmith does not frighten me, Strong Bad. He has lost his blade. He is worthless to your cause.

Strong Bad whispers something to the Poopsmith. The Poopsmith traces a line in the dirt with his wooden handle.

STRONG BAD: There. Now if you attack us again, it’ll be you who crosses the line, not us.

HOMESCHOOL: Quite frankly, Strong Bad, I don’t care. Observe.

Homeschool cockily steps forward. However, as soon as he steps on the line, the earth beneath him collapses and he tumbles into a Poopsmith access tunnel.

HOMESCHOOL: Nooooo!

The knife flies up out of his grasp as he falls. Strong Bad grabs it.

STRONG BAD: High five, Poopsmith!

Strong Bad and the Poopsmith high five. There is an audible squish.

STRONG BAD (wiping off his glove): Oh, well. It’s okay. One creep down, one to go.

THE CHEAT: Meeeeh!

STRONG BAD: And here he comes! Come here, The Cheat!

The Cheat hides behind Strong Bad’s leg and trembles.

STRONG BAD: It’s okay, little buddy. He won’t get you.

Dijory Doo comes running up. He lunges at Strong Bad, but Strong Bad grabs him by the scruff of the neck. Dijory Doo is shocked and intimidated.

STRONG BAD: Look, man. I don’t like you. None of us like you. In fact, I think nobody likes you.

DIJORY DOO: Mercy?

STRONG BAD: I think…

He slam-dunks Dijory Doo into the hole.

STRONG BAD: No.

DIJORY DOO: Yaaah!

The hole slams shut behind him. Strong Mad and Trivia Time come running up and see what has happened.

STRONG BAD: Good riddance. And now…

He turns and sees the rest massed around Homestar, in varying stages of grief.

STRONG BAD (sadly): Now comes the part I hate.

He quietly joins the group around Homestar. Marzipan is holding Homestar. The Cheat begins to sob as Strong Mad holds him.

STRONG BAD (quietly): Why’d this have to happen? Everything else turned out all right, man. Why’d you have to ruin everything by dying?

POM POM (wiping his eye): (bubbles)

MARZIPAN (crying): Homestar, I’m sorry. This is all my fault. It’s my fault this happened to you.

HOMESTAR (quietly): It’s not your fault, Marzipan.

STRONG BAD: Huh?

MARZIPAN: Homestar?

Homestar opens his eyes.

HOMESTAR: I mean, Homeschool was the one who stabbed me and all. I’d say your fault was minimal at best.

KING OF TOWN: He’s alive! Homestar is alive!

HOMSAR: You’re a dead man talking!

BUBS: Boy, I was actually scared for a minute there.

STRONG BAD: Whoa, whoa, just a minute here. How the crap did you keep from dying?

HOMESTAR: Oh, that was just luck, I guess.

He pulls a bag of marshmallows out from under his shirt. The bag has a slit cut on one side.

HOMESTAR: I was saving these for later. I guess they stopped that knife from cutting me and I fainted or something.

MARZIPAN: Homestar…

HOMESTAR: Marzipan?

MARZIPAN: I was scared. I was scared like I never had been before.

HOMESTAR: Oh, sowwy. I didn’t mean to…

Marzipan pulls him close and kisses him.

MARZIPAN: Don’t scare me like that again.

HOMESTAR: Uh, sure. Wow. If it’ll mean we do that again.

STRONG BAD: Homestar?

HOMESTAR: Yeah, Stwong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Good to see you’re alright.

HOMESTAR: Thanks, Stwong Bad.

COACH Z: I feel another group hug comin’ on!

STRONG BAD: Ah, what the heck. Just this once, I guess.

The group hugs, happy and relieved. Meanwhile, we see Homeschool and Dijory Doo rocketing through the tunnels. They scream as they are suddenly forcibly ejected from a pipe sticking out of a canyon wall… and land inside the Sacred Pile.

HOMESCHOOL: Blech! How disgusting!

DIJORY DOO: Ewww!

The two dig themselves out.

HOMESCHOOL: Do you think I’ve lost? Homeschool Winner never loses! Mark my words, Strong Bad. You and your friends have not seen the last of me!

DIJORY DOO: Uhhh…. Master?

Homeschool suddenly notices that they are surrounded by thousands of hooded Poopsmiths, armed with shovels.

HOMESCHOOL: …or maybe you have.

Scene changes to the city, nighttime. The gang is hanging out by the fountain that they landed in all that time ago. They are now flush from the proper payment from Homeschool’s estate – posthumously.

KING OF TOWN: I know this has been said prematurely a few times, but it looks like we finally have a happy ending.

BUBS: That’s the ticket, Kingy. I think we’ve come out on top at long last.

HOMESTAR: Definitely one of our finest hours, I think.

STRONG SAD: It was a good last job.

STRONG BAD: Yeah. A last job.

There is an uncomfortable silence.

STRONG BAD: Guys, uh, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think I’ll be going now.

COACH Z: What?

HOMESTAR: Going?

STRONG BAD: Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, you guys. It was great working with you all, and you really are some of the best friends I’ve ever had, but…

MARZIPAN: You don’t have to leave, Strong Bad. You can stay with us as long as…

STRONG BAD: No, Marzipan. It’s just that… you guys all found your places, you know?

KING OF TOWN: What do you mean by that?

STRONG BAD: Well, look at it this way. Homestar and Marzipan have each other, Coach Z has his rap bar, Bubs has his restaurant, Pom Pom has his dog and his successful career as a male model…

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Oh, sorry, man. I forgot that was a secret. But Strong Sad has his books, Strong Mad and The Cheat have their success as wrestlers…

THE CHEAT: Meena!

STRONG MAD: Uh?

STRONG BAD: No, guys. I really don’t mind if you guys do what you want to do. I have to admit, you really did take good care of The Cheat while I was gone, Strong Mad. You deserve to keep him. And then the King has got his castle back, the Poopsmith has that big pile of crap, and Homsar has… uh… that cardboard box… well, it doesn’t matter. The point is that all of you guys found what you were good at in the past five years, and I missed out. I need to find my place.

HOMESTAR: But you don’t have to go wight away, Stwong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Homestar, I just think it’d be for the best. The sooner I find a place for me, the better.

The Cheat runs up to Strong Bad and grabs his leg, crying.

THE CHEAT: Meeh?

STRONG BAD (tousling The Cheat’s fur): Hey, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever, little guy. I’ll still come to see you now and then.

KING OF TOWN: So, there’s nothing we can do to change your mind?

STRONG BAD: Afraid not, your Highness. I’ll check in with you guys once I’ve found something. Homestar?

HOMESTAR: Yeah?

STRONG BAD: Take good care of Marzipan.

HOMESTAR: You got it!

STRONG BAD: And Marzipan, thanks for saving my butt. I really owe you.

MARZIPAN: You’re welcome, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Make sure Homestar doesn’t do anything too stupid.

MARZIPAN: I will.

STRONG BAD: Hey, Strong Mad. Take good care of The Cheat for me.

STRONG MAD: Uh huh.

STRONG BAD: And The Cheat, you’d better be good for Strong Mad.

THE CHEAT: Yeh.

STRONG BAD: Strong Sad?

STRONG SAD: Yeah?

STRONG BAD: You don’t suck.

STRONG SAD: Thanks, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD (to himself): Much.

STRONG SAD: I heard that.

STRONG BAD: I know. And the rest of you, it’s been great. I’ll catch you guys later.

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Sorry, Pom Pom. I just don’t do this whole goodbye thing very well. See you all later.

Strong Bad leaves, and everybody else just watches him go.

THE CHEAT: Meeh? Peema?

COACH Z: I wish he would too, The Cheort. But Strong Bad is the kind of guy who does everything on his own. He’s gotta find his own way.

Everybody nods in agreement, even as they sigh. Meanwhile, Strong Bad walks the dark, silent streets by himself. He seems a little aimless.

STRONG BAD: Ah, I don’t need them around anyway.

He looks around. All of the buildings look the same.

STRONG BAD: Well, Strong Bad, you’re in the same place you were at the start. You’re all alone. Heh. I’m already starting to talk to myself.

He leans against a building.

STRONG BAD (distantly): No, I don’t miss them. Sure, it was fun, but that doesn’t mean that I…

He suddenly steps forward.

STRONG BAD: Strong Bad, you’re turning into a freakin’ wimp. You’ve got a million dollars. What happened to all of the stuff that you used to dream about buying once you hit it big? I say you go out and live large!

He takes a few triumphant steps forward. His bravado dies.

STRONG BAD: Maybe tomorrow. I think I’ll just go and get a cup of coffee.

He walks the streets in silence for a while. All is maddeningly dark and silent. Finally Strong Bad sees a man walking past him.

STRONG BAD: Hey, man. What’s the best place around here to get a cup of coffee?

MAN: Oh, you’ll just have to head for that light over there.

Strong Bad peers into the darkness. He can barely make out the light from a doorway.

MAN: Best place in town.

STRONG BAD: Thanks, man.

He silently walks towards the light.

STRONG BAD: You know, I almost feel like I’ve been here before.

He finally finds himself in front of the door.

STRONG BAD: I guess this is it.

He opens the door. Light and music flood his senses.

HOMESTAR: Hey, stwanger! Long time no see!

STRONG BAD: What the crap?

It turns out that Strong Bad has inadvertently set foot inside Bubs’ floating restaurant. The whole gang is there. Homestar, Marzipan and Pom Pom are chatting at a table, Bubs is serving, Coach Z is rapping on the stage, Homsar is dancing on the piano, Strong Mad is playing with The Cheat and Trivia Time, Strong Sad is discussing something with Bo, and the Poopsmith sips his coffee in silence as the King polishes off a tray of pastries.

BUBS: Come on in, Strong Bad! It’s Friday night, and this is where it’s at!

COACH Z: I’m the Alpha to Omega, doncha see, and that’s why they call me Coach Z… hey, everybody!

Look who’s here! May I present to you the man of the hour, everybody’s homeboy, Strong Bad!

KING OF TOWN: I knew you couldn’t keep yourself away for too long!

STRONG BAD: No! It’s not… this is a… I didn’t mean to…

He realizes that everybody is smiling at him.

STRONG BAD: Ah, what the heck. You guys couldn’t stay awesome without me around.

HOMESTAR: That’s our Stwong Bad!

Strong Bad makes his way to Homestar’s table.

BUBS: What’ll ya have, Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Just a coffee. Do they make that anymore? You know, without all of those Italian names?

BUBS: Uh… I’ll check.

Meanwhile, Bo is still studying Strong Sad’s book.

STRONG SAD: So, uh, anyway, that’s my poetry.

BO: I see.

STRONG SAD: Pretty boring, I know, but it’s mostly therapeutic for…

BO: I never said it was boring. I like this.

STRONG SAD: You… you do?

BO: Sure. There’s some real heart behind this.

STRONG SAD: Oh. Well… thanks.

BO: Why are you blushing?

STRONG SAD (smiling nervously): I’m… I’m not. It’s just that… you’re the first person who likes my stuff who doesn’t sacrifice small animals at cemeteries during full moons.

Bubs returns with Strong Bad’s coffee.

BUBS: Here ya go, Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Thanks, Bubsy. So Homestar, what’s this thing you and Pom Pom have been looking into?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: I see. Independent web hosting, huh? So you want to…

HOMESTAR: Start another website, if evewybody else wants to.

STRONG BAD: Think we could be as popular as we were all those years ago? The web can be a fickle mistress, you know.

MARZIPAN: I have a feeling we could still do it.

HOMESTAR: Hey, um, Marzipan?

MARZIPAN: Yes, Homestar?

HOMESTAR: Uh… I have something to ask you. You can say no if you want to.

MARZIPAN: It’s all right, Homestar. You can ask me anything.

HOMESTAR: Well, it’s like this… uh, geez, I feel so stupid for asking this…

MARZIPAN: Homestar, you know I don’t think it’s a stupid question.

HOMESTAR: Weally?

MARZIPAN: Yes. And you know that my answer is yes.

HOMESTAR: All wight! Awesome! Did you hear that, Stwong Bad?

STRONG BAD: I sure did, man.

HOMESTAR: She agweed to split the bill with me!

MARZIPAN (disappointed): Oh.

HOMESTAR: Oh, and while we’re at it, would you like to mawwy me?

MARZIPAN: What?

HOMESTAR: Aw, I knew you’d say no…

Marzipan grabs him and kisses him.

MARZIPAN (tears in her eyes): Does that answer your question?

HOMESTAR: Well, that sure felt like a yes…

MARZIPAN: Would you like to figure it out for sure?

HOMESTAR: Only if you want to…

She kisses him again.

STRONG BAD: That was definitely a yes.

The rest of the room breaks out into applause.

BUBS: Well, I guess I’d better get started on a wedding cake.

KING OF TOWN: Ooh! Did someone mention cake?

The discussions continue, but Strong Bad hears none of it. He just looks around at all of his friends, old and new.

STRONG BAD (to himself): I guess I found out where I belong.

The view zooms out to the exterior of the restaurant, and then watches as it drifts lazily over the horizon.

STRONG BAD: But don’t tell anybody I said that.

THE END