SCENE: Crazy Go Nuts High-Security Penitentiary

Strong Bad sits on a chair in the middle of a room, spotlight on him.

VOICE: Mr. Strong Bad, do you know why you have been summoned here?

STRONG BAD (scornfully): So you all can hear the melodious sound of my voice once more?

VOICE: Try to be serious, Mr. Strong Bad. You realize that your five-year sentence ends today. As of noon, you will be free once more.

STRONG BAD: So what is this, some sort of good-bye party? Shouldn’t there be like chips, and pretzels, and those little crackers with cheese on them?

VOICE: Mr. Strong Bad, please!

STRONG BAD: And some punch? I could really use some punch right about now.

VOICE: We have been determining whether or not you are fit to resume life in the outside world. You do realize that if you are caught breaking the law again, you could be spending the rest of your life in this prison?

STRONG BAD: Geez, you knock over a few lousy stores and they treat you like some sort of criminal.

VOICE: I hardly think that $80,000 worth of cash and stolen goods is to be taken lightly, Mr. Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: $80,000? That’s great! The judge said it was only $60,000! I’d like to see the losers in Cellblock D try to top that!

VOICE: Mr. Strong Bad, the reason you are here is that, incredibly enough, you have passed your psychiatric examinations. Despite your cavalier attitude, the examiner has determined that you realize that what you did was wrong. You’re too arrogant to admit it, but you do understand the severity of your behaviour.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, yeah. So do I get to go or not?

VOICE: Well, seeing as your term has expired and we have no real grounds to sustain your sentence, we have no choice but to grant you your freedom.

STRONG BAD: That’s all I needed to know. Smell ya, morons.

VOICE: But… should you ever be caught engaged in illegal activity again, you will be thrown back here again without any chance of parole. This is your second lease on life, Mr. Strong Bad. I recommend that you do not waste it.

STRONG BAD: Give me a break, man. Do you think I wanna end up stuck here for the rest of my life? The food stinks! Seriously, you people serve crap for breakfast. Instead of cutlery, we should be eating with pooper-scoopers. Not to mention the lousy cable reception you’ve got here…

VOICE: That will be all, Mr. Strong Bad.

STRONG BAD: Okay, fine. I’m outta here.

He exits, hooting and dancing.

VOICE: I hope I know what I’m doing.

SCENE: CGNHSP: Exterior.

Strong Bad exits the front door, carrying a suitcase.

STRONG BAD: Oh, man. I never thought these lungs would breathe free air again. Heh. I’ll bet the outside world hasn’t seen this much concentrated awesome in one place in a long time. Did you miss me, world? Well I hope you set a place for dinner, because I’m back! (sings) I’m back in the back of a Cadillac…

He sees a shadowy figure lurking in the parking lot.

STRONG BAD: Hey, back off, man. I’ve spent five years in the pen. Don’t mess with…

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Pom Pom? Is that you?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Pom Pom! I can’t believe it’s you, man! How you been holding up? I haven’t seen you since they stuck me in this berg!

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Talk? Over coffee? Fine. I haven’t had a good cup of coffee in five years. You wouldn’t believe the crap they try to pass off as coffee in there…

SCENE: Java Jav

Strong Bad and Pom Pom sit at a table, sipping coffee.

STRONG BAD: So, what brought you to this part of town? Do you always hang out at the prison parking lot? Do you like clean windshields or something?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: You were waiting for me? Why?

POM POM (softly): (bubbles)

STRONG BAD (whispering): What kind of plan?

POM POM (barely audible): (bubbles)

STRONG BAD (loudly): Revenge?! Revenge on who?

POM POM (irritably): (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Homeschool Winner? Why?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD (furious): What?! You mean that while I’ve been rotting in a freakin’ jail cell, he’s been living large off of royalties? Why didn’t I get any royalties, man?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD (slightly stunned): You didn’t either?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD (unbelieving): None of us did?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: That’s freakin’ ridiculous, man. We worked our butts off for years for that website, and he didn’t do a thing. And then we had to close because they told us we were out of money. But here he’s rich off of royalties? That lousy, no-good double-crossing wiener! If I ever see him again I’m punching him right in the face, jail or no jail!

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: You’re right man. There are better ways to get back at a guy than hitting him in the face. What’s the plan?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Fine. I’ll help. I knew you guys couldn’t get by without my lateral thinking and macho sense of bravado. Who all is in on this?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: Sure, I’ll help you find them, man. The more the better. Is Homestar in on this?

POM POM: (bubbles)

STRONG BAD: What do you mean, you don’t know where he is? You’re his best pal, aren’t you?

Pom Pom sighs and shakes his head.